My heart hurts. What happened?
I remember how we used to have long talks on the phone late at night, both refusing to hang up even though we have got nothing to say anymore. You no don’t even say that you want to hear my voice anymore.
I remember how you used to be so proud of having me as a girlfriend, you went around introducing me to everyone, “Hello, this is my girlfriend”. You no longer do that.
I remember how you would always hold my hand and tell me, “I am never letting go”. You no longer do that.
I remember how you would come all the way to my school just to pick me even if it means waiting for me for a long time. The last time you did this was before we even got together, I think?
I remember how we can be anywhere, how you would be willing to do anything, because so long we are together, we are fine with anything. Now you have so many buts and nos.
I remember how you would laugh so often when you’re with me. Now whenever you laugh, my heart will cry with joy because it was rare.
I remember how you were so happy when you just had me. I rarely make you happy.
I remember how you would always sing sweet phrases from songs to me. You no longer do that.
I remember how you would say sweet things to me, because you were so happy to have me. You no longer do that.
I remember how you would ask me about almost every tweet, asking me what is it or who does it refers to. You rarely do that.
I remember how you would always motivate me when I feel so down or discouraged. You no longer do that.
I remember how you would pester me to ask me for my story because you want to listen. You no longer bother.
I remember how you would be so patient with me, no matter how hot-tempered I was. I was really never angry with you. You will just lose your patience at me and argue.
I remember how you would take the effort to understand me better. You no longer do that.
I remember all the good times, and most of it happened when we were good friends. Now they’re just being kept as memories. You’re no longer proud of calling me your girlfriend, no longer wanting to shower me with tons of love, no longer your priority. Maybe I deserve this, for all the attitude I pushed to you, this is, perhaps, my karma. I have never taken you for granted, never. Every moment spent with you was greatly cherished and remembered. I have always felt that I expect too much from you, but then I realised that it was because you raised my expectations right from the beginning, you raised it to the level of cloud 9. All the good times we had, those are the expectations. But now? “Us” changed, we’re no longer who we were, we no longer do what we do, we no longer smile when we see each other. I guess you just don’t know that even though you’ve gotten me, you cannot stop showing me and assuring me that you still do love me. But I have no idea how to even start telling you all these, because I know that I must be an understanding girlfriend by giving you the space you need and the priorities you have. But most importantly, I am just afraid of the answer to the one last question I have for you, did your love for me fade?
I can’t take the answer.
